A Crash Course in
Roommate Relationships
We know you are here to study, to learn, to grow and to have fun.  You’ll probably be spending more time in the hall and in your room than at classes.  Your room is your territory . . . and you’re sharing it with someone you probably have just met.  It is going to be a challenge—living with a new person—and that’s what this Crash Course is all about.  We would like to help you create a positive roommate relationship.  Even if you’ve been friends forever, realize that a roommate relationship is somewhat different than being friends.

It is important for you to recognize that each roommate has a responsibility for the room and the relationship.  Being responsible for your actions and respectful of others will set a positive tone for your experiences.  There are many things you can do to initiate a dialogue with your roommate (and quad-mates).  This Crash Course is just the beginning – we hope you take the time during the rest of the summer to continue to get to know your roommate.

Emily Post also has some tips . . . http://www.emilypost.com/everyday/tips_roomies.htm

Step 1
It’s usually pretty easy to talk about where you’re from, how many are in your family, and what your high school years were like.  Here’s your chance!  As you email, instant message or talk on the phone, cover the topics listed below and then move onto the next step.

These are the things I would like to tell you about my family . . .

This is how I would describe my neighborhood and the town I live in . . .

The activities I was most involved in before coming to college were . . .

My high school was . . .

I’d like to tell you these things about my friends . . .

The most significant thing that happened to me in the last five years was . . .

I am coming to the School of Mines because . . .

Step 2
Read the statements below - check those statements that really matter to you – be serious; these are the areas that could affect you 24/7 once you are living on-campus. 

After you determine what areas are important to you individually, talk with your roommate(s) about what is important to them. 

When you move to campus in the fall, there will be a more detailed form that allows you and your roommate(s) to determine specific agreements about those areas that are important to you (and your roommate).

• The room needs to be neat and clean

• Who gets what bed, desk, and closet space

• Changing the room, decorating, adding other furnishings, etc.

• My possessions—such as what things I don’t mind lending—and what things I prefer no one else uses

• Study time and space – what atmosphere I need to study in

• Sleep – how early, how late, what atmosphere I need to sleep

• Music—what I like, how loud I like it and when I usually like to listen to it

• When I like to go to bed, when I like to get up

• How I like to have fun

• Private time

• Room temperature preference—hot or cold

• Alcohol and other drugs (never in the room J)

• Telephone usage, importance of messages – or do you both have cell phones?

• Visitors in the room

• Overnight guests

• Visitors using the TV, stereo, and other possessions

Step 3
Here are a few helpful hints to keep your roommate relationship headed in the right direction.

Take the time this summer to get to know one another.  Discuss issues before you get to campus.  Realize that you might not be the best of friends, but then many roommates are not (and that’s okay).

Monthly sessions to voice opinions and differences (but don’t wait if there is a problem).

Do not make hasty judgments—some personalities reveal their real worth slowly.

Share problems and adversities.

Change the changeable and endure.

Develop tolerance and understanding.

Look at the other side of the coin too.

Concentrate on good qualities and not on irritating habits.

Make the best of the situation—you don’t have to become life-long friends.

Learn self-discipline.

Don’t let petty grievances accumulate.  Rather let your roommate know when things bother you.

Increase your efforts to communicate, compromise, and be sensitive to sources of irritation.

What if a problem develops?
The best policy to follow if you feel a problem developing is to sit down and talk it over with your roommate.  Don’t wait for little things to grow into big problems.  How do you start?

Be simple and direct.  Proceed openly and frankly.

Be specific.  Talk about the behavior that is troubling you—not the person or their values.

Be caring.  At every available opportunity communicate your interest in the person, and ask clarifying questions.

Focus on the person’s strengths.  Show your roommate you are concerned with the positive elements of living together.

Need help putting it all together?  See your neighborhood RA or your local Hall Director.